:: It Comes Naturally ::

pemain simpanan kalau korg nak kaitkan dgn bolasepak. 

cikgu ganti kalau korg nak kaitkan dgn sekolah. 

kenape "substitute" ni saye amek sbg tajuk blog kali ni?

pasal ini yg saye rase skrg ni. apart from the confusion and the mess that i've encountered throughout this 3 weeks, ini satu je penyataan dan term yg berkaitan dgn perasaan saye skrg ni. 

hanye sbg simpanan.

hanye sbg gantian.

i'm allergic to commitments. well, i'm just a substitute anyways. - Holly Holiday [Gwyneth Paltrow] -

name dia Holly Holiday. kalau korg2 tgk Glee, korg konpem tau sape minah ni. dia sekadar guru ganti je. dia kene ganti subjek Bahasa Spanish, Bahasa Perancis, Sejarah, English, bla bla bla kalau mane2 cikgu ni x dtg atau whatsoever. sume subjek dia kene mahir.

erti kate laen: sume mende dia tau = TOTAL AWESOMENESS!

Holly Holiday ni mmg superb. bdk2 suke dgn cara dia mengajar. sgt santai dan sgt simple. sgt tipu kalau ade bdk x suke dia kalau jumpe ngan minah ni. menyanyi pown sedap. muke pown boleh tahan putih. :D

in the end, dia hanya sekadar substitute. dia hanya menumpang dlm fakulti2 bg subjek yg dia ganti tu. dia hanye rase menjadi sebahagian drpd sesuatu bile dia masuk Glee Club. satu perasaan yg dah lame dia tak rase. 

ape kaitan Holly Holiday ngan penulis blog ni pulak?

saye ni bukan ah cikgu ke hape ke tp saye ni ade 87.64% perasaan mcm Holly Holiday tu. kami ni x lebih dari gantian/simpanan bg org2 sekeliling kami. kalau ade yg perasan, saye ni bkn jenis yg ade bestfriend [bestfriend as in: keluar g kelas sesame, mkn sesame, outing sesame, gosip sesame, nanges sesame, bla bla bla]. saye ni jenis yg kwn sume org. dgn group hotstuff *ehem perasan* saye leh masok, dgn group nerd saye boleh masok, dgn group kecoh saye leh masok, dgn group serius saye leh masok. 

tp ape yg saye nak rase sbnrnye adelah menjadi sebahagian dr sesuatu. setakat ni, perasaan yg paling hampir adelah sewaktu majlis mkn mlm asasi sains hari tu. itu lah perasaan yg paling terdekat dgn situasi skrg. perasaan yg mane saye btol2 menjadi sebahagian dari sesuatu yg besar instead of just menumpang mcm ikan remora kat bwh perut ikan jerung tu. commensalism! [kalau tatau g check kat google. itu pown mau bgtau ka? heish.]

x ramai yg perasan. bile ade je mende2 happy mesti ajak org laen selaen saye. x kesah ah nak ajak jejalan ke, nak ajak g tgk wayang ke, nak belanje2 ke, bla bla bla ke. bile time sedih baru aaaaah nak jumpe saye dpn2. time sedih baru aaaaaah dtg. time keje x siap baru aaaaaah menghadap. saye x rase sume ni beban. saye rase bangge dpt tolong org time org tu susah. saye rase gembire bile ade org puas hati ngan saye nye consultation [kononnye] but still, xkan saye menjadi kawan mereka semate mate pasal tu je?

mende2 camni ah yg mengajak kpd perasaan x dihargai. isk isk isk. bahaye ni. bahaye.

malas nak cite sbnrnye pasal "manusia ade hati" ni tp kene gak bgtau dr semase ke semase. kalau x mule ah ade yg pijak kepale bagai. takpe2. ape yg saye nak sampaikan utk post ni sbnrnye adelah : cube pndg org2 yg berkawan dgn anda. korg2 yg bace blogpost ni, saye tau atleast umur dah lepas 17. korg2 ni dah pandai gune otak. jadi gune ah otak seelok eloknya. jgn asek2 fikir psl sendiri je.

kepada sesape yg terase dgn mane2 post yg saye tulis, saye mintak maaf sgt2 kalau ade yg terase. [eventhough ini blog aku, aku lak yg kene mntk maaf kat korg. *tgn kat dade, mate ke atas*]



okey, siyesly saye mntk maaf. letih ah nak fikir mende2 remeh ni sedangkan lagi byk mende laen yg kene fikir.
tu je utk post kali ni. ASSALAMUALAIKUM.








pakar konspirasi,

- i'll be my own saviour -

half-concious writer rizal_everdeen at 11:13 AM | Labels: glee, the heart is talking | 1 whispers |

baru je lepas bertanye soklan2 berkaitan syariah bersame ustazah syariah islamiah saye, ustazah Maryam Karimah. soklan2 tu bile dirujuk balik kpd ustazah [selepas Google berjaya MENAMBAH lagi kekeliruan instead of relieving the confusion. =.=], menimbulkan beberape lagi soklan yg laen.


ape soklannye? well, itu private and confidential ah. kang cite kat blog kang takot2 jadi mcm Raja Petra lak kang. siap kene lari2 sampai oversea lagi.


since ade 4 mazhab, so byk pendapat yg berbeza. naseb baek ade cikgu2 yg arif dlm hal2 ni utk membantu. kalau belajar sendiri je, takut ape yg kite fhm tu silap. 


tu je utk post kali ni. ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

half-concious writer rizal_everdeen at 9:12 AM | Labels: little notes | 0 whispers |

pernah tak korg ditanye dgn soklan2 yg bersifat offensive tp org yg bertanye tu langsong tak rase pape bile bertanye? rase mcm xde je. maybe saye sorg je kot yg selalu kene.


kenapa saye pulak yg kene rase bersalah? 
kenapa saye pulak yg kene pujuk org tu kalau org tu merajuk pasal saye respon blk kpd soklan tu?
kenapa saye jugak yg rase x sedap hati?
KENAPA?
KENAPA?
KENAPA?


mungkin saye ditakdirkan utk jage hati org2 yg ade kat sekeliling saye. no matter it will hurt me or not, i'll still have to take care of their feelings. yes. no matter it will or not hurt my feelings. MINE. dari dulu lagi camni.
_____________________


sebermulanye dedulu saye pernah menegur org, lepas saye lak kene tegur balik:


"biarlah dia nak wat ape pown. bknnye dye suruh kau tgk wall fesbuk dye. bknnye dye suruh kau bace blog dia. kecoh gile kau nak bising2 pasal mende ni."


pdhal saye dah tegur dgn care seterang yg boleh. dgn care yg at least dye terase tp dye sedar. 
bknnye saye pergi maki hamun dye. 
bknnye saye pergi tampar dpn dan kate "fu** you bit**!". 
xde langsong. 
x pernah.


reasons saye tegur? pasal dye kawan saye. saye just nak tegur kwn2 saye. dose2 whatsover. mungkin saye bkn di posisi yg sesuai utk menegur. ye saye mengaku saye bknnye alim ke hape ke tp sedangkan org yg pernah mencuri pown boleh tegur org laen agar tak mencuri.
_____________________


lepas je kejadian tu, saye mmg dah berazam tahap gaban dah yg tamau nak amek tau hal sesape lagi. saye try tanam konsep membenci dgn hati. dgn kuasa mmg sah2 x dpt, nak menegur secare lisan ke hape ke org condemn, jadi ini je ah jln terbaek.


sejak saye ni seorg manusia, saye ade perasaan utk meng-ekspresi-kan diri saye sendiri.
ekspresikan ape yg saye minat, ape yg saye suke.
kalau org yg kat atas td tu kate xde "sape suruh org tgk wall" saye, saye mesti ah boleh jadi diri saye sendiri. 
i am being myself at that moment.


seperti kejadian sblm ini, mulut2 pown bersuara:
yelaaaaah. kau je yg tau mende tu sorg. hoi dunia! admit ah die ni paling fanatik!


i was just saying, that i like my tv shows [or anything equivalent]. 
sumpah hancur luluh hati saye time tu.
mcm saye ni dah xde hati lak sampai org nak kate2 camtu skali.
bknnye saye kutuk agama saye sendiri.
bknnye saye kutuk mak bapak keluarga sesape.
bknnye saye wat statement2 racist.
saye hanye menjadi diri saye sendiri.
_____________________


mana pergi org yg tegur saye balik tu? 
mana hilang pegangan "dia x suruh kau bace blog/wall dia" tu?
mana hilang org2 ni?
mana?
mana?
mana?


it's been 19 years now. 
and i'm still taking care of people's heart.
_____________________


lirik bwh ni menerangkan perasaan saya sekarang ni. perasaan yg mane saye rase setiap hari. 
perasaan nak jaga hati org.
perasaan nak abaikan ape yg org kate kpd saye.
perasaan nak tutup je telinge biarpown org yg saye selalu jage hati tu tak jage hati saye.
perasaan saye.


Get It Right [Glee]
What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right [2x]

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send down a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right [2x]
_____________________


mungkin korg x dpt nak rase ape yg saye rase melalui post ni. saye mmg x reti nak luahkan perasaan saye dlm bentuk tulisan. 


saye pernah je tulis post pasal 'finding my own potential' [>>klik sini<<]. 
"dah tau kau punye potential, nape pulak nak sedih2 ni?"


why? because i need to feel good about myself. bile org dah kutuk kau hari2, you atleast need a reason to stay strong.


main point post ni : saye ade hati. jgn ah pakse2 saye nak jage hati korg. korg mungkin akan kate "aku x suruh pown kau jage hati aku!" tp korg x sedar yg org2 mcm saye ni [or maybe just me alone] ade je sekeliling korg. saye akan tetap cube jage hati org laen biarpown korg x suruh.


namun bile dah sampai limit, saye mmg dah x dpt nak tahan dah. saye kene gak suarakan ape yg saye rase. please people. open your eyes. think about others around you. don't just think about yourself.


kalau boleh nak je tulis panjang lagi tapi mende2 camni sepatutnya diluahkan dr hati ke hati. maen tulis2 masih x dpt nak tenangkan hati. masih.
saye dah letih asyik dipersalahkan.


ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

half-concious writer rizal_everdeen at 10:42 PM | Labels: edited lyrics, glee, the heart is talking | 2 whispers |

saye tujukan lagu ini kat semue yg pernah wat saye senyum. x kesah ah dgn care yg saye suke atau tak. korg2 ah yg bertanggungjawab wat hidup saye jd meaningful. :)

skrg ni saye perlukan korg2 pasal saye tak tau saye akan dpt atau tak nak jumpe korg sume mcm saye jumpe korg dulu2. kang masuk degree jumpe org laen lak. kang dah keje jumpe org laen lak. memori, bla bla bla, mende2 tu. (.__.)

lagu dah ade kat tepi tu. saje nak tukar tiap2 mggu XD. kalau nak dgr, continue. kalau tak nak, boleh je hentikan lagu tu. 

so, enjoy the song and the lyrics. :D

_________________________________________

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories

Scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the phone 'cause

I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I

Ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one

I'm all alone

And I need you now

Said I wouldn't call

But I've lost all control

And I need you now

And I don't know how

I can do without

I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey

Can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweeping

In the way you did before

And I wonder if I

Ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one

I'm a little drunk

And I need you now

Said I wouldn't call

But I've lost all control

And I need you now

And I don't know how

I can do without

I just need you now

Whoa, whoa

Guess I'd rather hurt

Than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one

I'm all alone

And I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call

But I'm a little drunk

And I need you now

And I don't know how

I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

_________________________________________

nota kaki

1. osama bin laden dah mati. well, it's quite hard for me to believe that since we don't even know either osama is REALLY a mujahid or just another America's conspiracy. :(
2. vote saye utk Digi Wow Awards! link ade kat sidebar kiri atas sekali. :D

tu je utk post kali ni. ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

half-concious writer rizal_everdeen at 10:44 PM | Labels: edited lyrics, memories | 0 whispers |

gmbr2 ni saye jumpe kat Tumblr. tak byk sgt info yg dye bagi. based on the writing yg ade kat iklan2 ni, saye deduct pd awalnye bhs Rusia tp setelah di-Google, rupe2 nye bhs German. 


"Das Leben ist zu kurz für den falschen Job" 
"Life is too short for the wrong job"

rasenye ni iklan carik kerja mcm Jobstreet tp kat German [lol. (=.=)] 
gmbr2 dye mostly interesting. so enjoy! :D

share2 ah kalau mau pasal gmbr2 ni bkn 100% mine pown. bg ah credit2 sket kat blog ni ye? hiew hiew. tu je utk post kali ni. ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

half-concious writer rizal_everdeen at 2:24 PM | 1 whispers |